my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
