somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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