Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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