I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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