Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
