apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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