whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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