just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
