This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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