Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
