Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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