at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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