She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize