We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
