don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
