just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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