Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
