my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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