do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
