can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
