We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
