Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
