so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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