you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Mom said you looked used
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
