Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
