I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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