just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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