you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
