I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
