my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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