how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
