I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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