whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
