Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
