HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
