Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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