so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
