that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize