Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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