Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
