this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
