What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
