Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
