U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
