david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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