I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
