True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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