I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
