note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He passed out mid-signature
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
