Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
