I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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