What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
