Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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