I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize