I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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