I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
