i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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