There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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