What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize