Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
