I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
