i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
