I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
